


Best fake band name ever

by luna65



Category: Greta Van Fleet (Band)
Genre: #NotSponsored, And best friends, Gen, comedic, just being goofy, they're all bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17548085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna65/pseuds/luna65
Summary: Jake makes a startling discovery...and the boys are their usual silly selves in response.





	Best fake band name ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sweet_ladyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_ladyy/gifts).



> I wrote this for sweet_ladyy and all the Sweetie Fleeties out there who adore these awesome lads! Just a bit of fun, nothing serious, please enjoy. :)

Riding within their home on wheels from Vegas to that destination which owned the appellation “America’s Finest City” - ( _Really?_ Josh had wondered aloud at breakfast. _Like, who gets to decide that?_ ) - the somewhat road-hardened members of Greta Van Fleet had some time to just veg out, which normally wasn’t a choice they would make, but they had learned that travel was useful for a kind of rest. It was too easy to get burned out when constantly in motion and subsequently hit a wall, metaphorical or otherwise.

Heading into the desert Josh had already decided on the first of the traveling music selections, and fittingly it was an album about travel. As the opening strains of “Coyote” began just as they were rolling westward on I-15, Sam smiled wide.

“Jaco, man...I’d have his baby.”

The others seriously considered this notion.

“Didn’t he have kids?” Jake asked, trying to remember the documentary they had watched about the bass-playing legend some years earlier, the one which had been produced by that guy in Metallica.

“Yeah, but I mean I would give him something for all the things he’s given us. Just listen to him, he’s _singing_ with that bassline. Goddamn!”

“Sssh!” Josh murmured. “Don’t talk over the song.”

It was 10am and the heat was already taking hold, not that the boys could feel it on the bus. For the duration of the tour they had claimed the rear lounge as their own, while their manager, publicist and security detail occupied the front lounge. Acoustic guitars awaited their inspiration and/or pleasure, but it was veg time. Josh seated himself at the table to write in his journal, Jake lounged upon the adjoining bench with a newly-opened bag of Cheetos. Danny stretched out on the couch across from the media center with the intention of sleeping through the trip entire, while Sam kicked off his sandals and leaned up against the couch, beginning an Edward Abbey novel someone had given him last night. He couldn’t quite remember who, though, it had happened sometime between beers number three and four.

Joni serenaded them down the highway, the pulse and growl of “Coyote” leading into the sweet steel lullaby of “Amelia” and then to the unvarnished tribute of “Furry Sings The Blues.”

“Whoa!” Jake exclaimed, causing them all to jump a bit, even Danny who had nearly been asleep. “Shit, this is the biggest Cheeto I’ve ever seen!”

“What the actual fuck, Jacob,” Sam said, holding a hand against his heaving chest.

“Look at it!” Jake held out said cheesy snack for their inspection.

“Wow,” Danny said, sitting up to get a better look. “It looks like something out of _The Flintstones_.”

“Dude, why don’t you eat some fruit - that thing is gonna kill ya,” Sam admonished his brother.

“I had a banana for breakfast!”

“Well you’ll be sorry when you try to take a shit later, just sayin.’”

“Thanks Mom!”

“Maybe you _shouldn’t_ eat it,” Danny said, peering closer. “Like, that is a seriously monster Cheeto.”

“Monster Cheeto? Wot’s all this then?” Josh interjected with his best Monty Python impression, leaving his seat to investigate.

“Don’t touch it!” Jake exclaimed, cradling it against him like a precious discovery.

“I’m not gonna carbon-date it, for fuck’s sake! Lemme see.”

Jake held it out again and they all stared at it until Sam got distracted by Jaco and began playing air bass to “Herija.”

“That’s worth an Instagram pic at least, right?”

“Fuck man, I wanna laminate it!”

They all cracked up.

“You can’t laminate it!” Josh exclaimed. “We’ve got to put it in one of those shadow boxes like Mom has.”

This brought on more laughter. “An entire shadow box full of Cheetos,” Sam suggested.

“No wait -” Josh said, holding out a hand, ready to go into full-on riffing mode. “A shadow box with one Cheeto, one cheese puff, one Cheez-It -”

“One Dorito,” Jake interjected.

“ - the entire gamut of cheesy snack foods. **That** would be a collection!”

Sam nudged their drummer. “It’s not too late to get onboard with this genius concept, man.”

“Oh my mom would take one look at that and say, ‘Danny, are you on drugs?!’”

More laughter, as they all considered the absurdity of a shadow box full of salty snacks. Eventually there was a tap on the divider and their publicist Heidi peeked in.

“You guys sound like you’re having way too much fun again,” she said with a wry grin.

“Jake found a really big Cheeto,” Josh explained, gesturing as Jake held it out again.

“Oh wow, that is _huge_. Careful you don’t break a tooth, Jakey.”

She retreated and they all began snickering as if on cue within seconds. Sam picked up one of the guitars and began strumming.

_Listen children and you will hear_  
_‘cause I’ll sing it loud and clear._  
_Listen now and you will know_  
_the tale of how Jakey found the magic Cheeto._

“That’s it!” Josh shouted. “That is our mystery cover band opening act name: Shadowbox of Snacks!”

“And what do they play?” Danny asked.

“Thrash polka of course, c’mon now.”

“You will never, **never** , come up with a better band name than Ormsby Bugnut and the Fish Sticks. NEVER!” Sam declared.

“Fish sticks! That’s what we should put in a shadow box,” Josh exclaimed.

“What is this weird obsession you have with food and display cases?” Jake inquired.

“Says the guy who wants to laminate a Cheeto,” Josh retorted and they all began laughing again.

“Guys!” their manager called down the bus. “We’re pulling into Baker in about half an hour or so. They’ve got the world’s tallest thermometer!”

“Well we’ve got the world’s biggest Cheeto, top that!” Jake proclaimed.

“Photo op!” Danny said, taking out his phone. “World’s tallest thermometer, world’s biggest Cheeto, world’s goofiest twins.”

“Naw man, that’s not us - it’s those twins over in Defiance, Ohio. I can see where you’d get confused though,” Josh replied with a grin.

“Second goofiest for sure,” Jake followed up with an identical expression.

Sam took out his phone and pointed the camera lens at Jake. “Give me attitude, babe - _fear my mutant Cheeto_!”

That was enough to set them off again and keep them laughing all the way to wherever they were headed.


End file.
